WDW for the Single Guy: an experiment, Part 7 (Mouse Rant 1)

[DISCLAIMER: The following was originally written by Jerry Skids back in 2009. He is a big Disney fan. He has his own WDW-themed podcast, which you can find here, or here. This is 100% Jerry’s words, completely unedited, out of respect to Jerry. My comments are listed in [ ] – anything is ( ) are all Jerry’s words. I have not fact-checked any of this information. Obviously some things have definitely changed since 2009, and should be used for comparative purposes only, as many attractions have come and gone since the time this was written. However, that does not invalidate his suggestions one iota. This is still useful, and I think this is so amazing, that I want to share his knowledge and wisdom. Thank you Jerry! Posted with his permission. – Editor]

WDW For The Single Guy: an experiment

Weird Segment #1: Shirts, Flags, and Cheerleaders (A Mouse Rant)

There’s nothing worse than paying for a vacation, taking that time off work, and just as you’ve got that excitement up to full blast, you realize there is a huge group that booked the exact same week (or two) as you did. Here is a rundown of some of the worst.

The Shirts: The better of the three. These are schools that are either: A) playing in the band for the Main Street 3:00 Parade; B) singing in the choir/chorus on one of the stages around in the World; or C) got a lucky week off to hang in the parks. No matter which one, they will all be wearing the same color shirts with their school’s logo on it. Apparently, they can’t change shirts or they’ll get in trouble. Whatever the reasons may be, the musicians are usually pretty well-behaved, but they come in droves! So that means more people, more lines, more inconveniences.

The Flags: Worse to Cast Members, but still quite annoying, if not treacherously hate-invoking, these are the foreign tour groups (usually Brazilian or Asian) who walk/run around the park, filing onto rides like it’s the subway, making noise, and pretending not to know English. The group leader carries a flag around with them -run! There is no racism involved when saying the Brazilian groups are just the worst – they are usually unruly teenagers who make life a living hell, scream on rides, and act like total douches. Cultural? I dunno. But they are really bad.

The Cheerleaders: The worst group you can get. They show up about mid-February and then Pop Warner (football/cheerleaders) shows up in early December. Do you remember cheerleaders in High School? Well, they are worse here. Also coming in droves, they act as if everything is revolving around them. They shriek and talk during attractions, get bored easily, and the worst is, they stay at the Value and Moderate resorts making noise until 1AM. You just can’t get away from them. And worse. Their parents. The parents are ALWAYS pushy, angry, horrible people who think their shit don’t stink when usually they are just poor white trash who should just die  in their sleep and let their kids run their own fucking lives!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay – so we hate Shirts, Flags, and Cheerleaders – how do we avoid them?

Being that you are more than likely to see at least one of these groups on your vacation, I suppose I should teach you not to complain, but avoid! It’s tough, but doable. #1 BE NICE! – How does this get you anywhere? Listen to me, if you see one of these groups, strike up a conversation with one of them – the adults obviously – when they are eating or whatever, on the bus, at the hotel. Let them know that their kids were “amazing” in the parade or on stage (this method doesn’t work for Flags). Before you finish your conversation, ask where they are going the next day (which park). Then change your schedule and AVOID that park. Now, you may have ADRs set – if you want to avoid the park, you’ll have to take the loss. Call WDW-DINE and change your ADRs. See if you can get ones for a different day. If this doesn’t work for you, or if you are dealing with flags, you’ll have to follow my tour plans, and get on the rides/attractions before they do. Avoid Pecos Bills, Cosmic Rays, and Columbia Harbor House. From now on, I will give a tourist quotient to all restaurants, so you know how to get away from them. Also, if you see anyone wearing matching shirts, carrying a flag, or cheerleading uniforms/ school colors or names, check your surroundings. If they are all coming your way, or have leapt onto the attraction in front of you, just AVOID that one for now and come back (same as if the line happened to be too long).

If you are at a hotel with the cheerleaders, the bus will most definitely be noisy, inane, and undrownable. I apologize for this, but there’s no way to deter this horror. Try headphones if you are alone, drive, or wait an hour before you leave the parks. If they show up at the parks early with you, get your Fastpass for Space / Splash AFTER you get on the ride. If you do it before, they will all be on the ride before you and you’ll have to wait, and you will be screwed. Any questions? [You can find Jerry’s email address at his podcast page here].

Stay positive. As annoying as these fuckers are, you have the upper hand. Oh, also realize that if the cheerleaders are performing in Disney’s Hollywood Studios (MGM), then Indiana Jones Stunt Show will be closed all day for their performance.

Good luck! Hope the cheerleaders break a leg!

[To be continued … with Epcot, Part I [of ???]]