“How come you’re always such a fussy young man?
Don’t want no Captain Crunch, don’t want no Raisin Bran”
“Weird Al” Yankovic – “Eat It”
Actual conversation I had once with a co-worker of mine named Omar:
Me: What did you have for breakfast today?
Omar: Oh, I didn’t have any breakfast.
Me: What?! You can’t skip breakfast! It is the most important meal of the day.
Omar: Right after lunch and dinner.
Me (without skipping a beat): Well, it’s at least in the Top Three.
Remember when breakfast cereals were nothing but sugar? Almost all of them had the word ‘sugar’ in their titles. “Sugar Smacks.” “Sugar Crisp.” “Sugar Flakes.” It wasn’t until sometime in the early 1980’s when the fine folks from Battle Creek, Michigan realized that sugar wasn’t a healthy part of a balanced breakfast. Even when cereals contained no sugar, people would pour some into their bowls. (I remember my dad did all the time with his Cheerios. He was later diagnosed with diabetes.)
Cartoons are accused of being nothing but a glorified 22 minute commercial to sell toys, interspersed with actual cereal ads. I won’t lie – some of those advertisements were better than actual cartoon. But did they actually work on parents?
In a word, no. I had a sugar-free breakfast childhood. But when I reached adulthood, i.e.: left home for college, I learned the truth about cereals: they better the marketing campaign (e.g.: jingles, animation, mascot), the worse the cereal actually was. I once ate three boxes of Life cereal just to get the Animaniacs promotional giveaway. And let me tell you, that was one of the most disgusting things I ever consumed.
You can tell a lot about a person by their choice of breakfast cereals. What they order, how they pour the cereal from the box to the bowl, what milk they use, and the order between the pouring of the cereal and milk. These lists should tell you everything about Keith and me. What is says, I have no idea. That is up to you to figure out.
With all that in mind, here is our lists.
The Top Ten Breakfast Cereals
- 10. Raisin Bran
- 9. Corn Puffs
- 8. Trix
- 7. Alpha Bits
- 6. Lucky Charms
- 5. Super Sugar Crisp
- 4. Rice Krispies
- 3. Honey Smacks
- 2. Fruit Loops
- 1. Frosted Flakes
Honorable Mentions: Cookie Crisp; Cap’n Crunch; Cocoa Pebbles; Fruity Pebbles; Raisin Nut Bran; Special K.
- 10. Lucky Charms
- 9. Wheat Chex
- 8. Corn Flakes
- 7. Rice Krispies
- 6. Honey Nut Cheerios
- 5. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
- 4. Fruit Loops
- 3. Crispix
- 2. Frosted Mini Wheats
- 1. Raisin Bran
Honorable Mentions: Apple Jacks; Cheerios; Cookie Crisp; Corn Chex; Frosted Flakes; Grape Nuts; Honey Bunches of Oats; Kix; Special K; Total; Trix; Wheaties; and all of the Malt O’ Meal knockoffs (which are just as good, if not better than their Post/Kellogg’s/ and General Mills counterparts).
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