Animation · Movies · Television

The Sumrfs 2 – Why?!

As long as they make Smurfs movies, I’m going to keep ranting…

Dear Smurfs, why do you hate America? Dear America, why do you still love the Smurfs in 2013? The United States prides itself on the following: diversity; multiculturalism; capitalism; and anti-establishment-ism. So why on Earth is Hollywood making ANOTHER Smurfs movie? The Smurfs represent everything that stands AGAINST America. It’s not like the Smurfs are an American creation – they were created by a Belgian. In an era where half the American populace believe the President is a Muslim, the Smurfs are so far left-of-the-dial, they make Barack Obama look like Ayn Rand.

The Smurfs are so homogenous, even the Japanese think they should lighten up. All the Smurfs have the same skin color, and have the same dress code. Someone should tell them that the Eiffel 65 song is a metaphor, and not meant to be literal.  But the most scary part is that almost all of them are the same gender. The male-to-female ratio was once 100:0, then 100:1. I suppose it is now closer to 50:1. That isn’t a typical village – that’s a cult!

The Smurfs don’t believe in money. They don’t even barter. Their economy is more of a co-operative. For a small, isolated, self-sufficient village, that would work. Of course once your population goes over triple digits, you’re gonna need to develop a form of currency. And for the love of God, I hope they don’t use smurfberries as their monetary unit. Perishables make for lousy currency.

Then there is their legal system. They have none. Their system of government is as simple as it can get – Despotism. Papa Smurf rules with a blue, iron fist. He hasn’t codified any laws. There is no hierarchy. That is why Brainy Smurf can delude himself  in believing he is second in charge. Because there is no chain of command. There is no social structure. That is why someone named “Lazy” can be equally rewarded as someone named “Handy.” Again, this village has more in common with a cult than an actual co-op. The only thing that is missing is the Smurfberry flavored drink.

If only America had an alternative to this Communist menace. A cartoon made in America, based on an American toy, in which the citizens are multicolored and multi-ethnic. A show in which the town has a free market economy, and merit is actually rewarded. And I suppose a show in which the females actually outnumber the males. Obviously that doesn’t exist, if Hollywood has decided to recycle a 1970’s and 1980’s toy franchise from Europe. Oh wait, there is. Let’s see… American toy … capitalistic … technicolored cast … and targeted to a female audience…. Oh my God, I just described My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!

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