Omnibus

Some of the Greatest Jokes I know were never Recorded

“Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right,
Here I am”
          Stealers Wheel, “Stuck in the Middle with You”

The working title of my autobiography is, “99 Comedians and Me.” That is because all my life, I have always been surrounded by self-proclaimed comedians. Almost everyone I have known has a repertoire of one-liners, zingers, stand-up routines, puns, humorous anecdotes, and / or practical jokes. Remember the pilot episode of “Taxi”, how Judd Hirsch explains to Marliu Henner how everyone in the garage considered themselves something else besides a taxi driver, save himself. I’m on the flip side. I don’t consider myself a comedian. I can’t do stand-up. I can’t tell a joke on the spot. I know plenty of jokes. I’ve read the monologues of George Carlin, Bill Maher, and Dennis Miller. I’ve read the one-liners of Steven Wright, and Henny Youngman. I’ve seen the Comedy Central Roasts. I’ve read the books by Dave Barry and Adam Carolla. I grew up listening to Howard Stern, and then Opie & Anthony. I know funny. I can’t reiterate funny. Yet, some people have insisted to me that my words made them laugh. My response has always been the same. “I’m not funny. I just speak the truth, and some people just happen to find (the truth) funny.” I am the unfunniest person I know.

Thank God I grew up in an age prior to YouTube! I’d hate to see all of the jokes and comedic moments that have occurred at or around me posted on the internet for all to see for all of eternity. On the other hand, part of me wishes that some of the pranks perpetrated by my former classmates, colleagues, and co-workers (on other people) were uploaded on the ‘net somewhere; for not only would I love to see them again and again, it would also make it a lot easier for me to explain the joke. Maybe one day, I’ll start a series of that re-creates some of these jokes (anyone know an animator?) The point is: I am not a funny person. Perhaps funny-looking. But if you think I’m funny, let me introduce to you some folks who are just hilarious….

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