Power Rankings · Television

Fast Food marketing Power Rankings: May, 2011 edition

Here is the May edition of the fast food marketing power rankings, with my two cents thrown in. You can see the previous version here. So I won’t repeat my disclaimers. I’ll just say this is not about the food, I’m only discussing the advertising campaigns. Maybe I’ll day I will do a quality power rankings, but the rankings will be either in negative numbers or fractions. Oh well, on with the show:

  1. McDonald’s – Until I see or hear a campaign that wows me, they will remain king of the hill.
  2. Wendy’s – They claim their new sea-salt fries beat McD’s fries in a taste test. These tests are dubious at best, more often than not. But, based on my own french fries power rankings, it is not inconceivable. While McD’s goes after Starbucks by focusing on their McCafe line, Wendy’s is going after McD’s with their fries. Clever.
  3. Popeye’s – Hey, they took my advice. Their spokeswoman is now on TV bragging how their chicken beat KFC in a taste test. Personally, I think their chicken is not too different from every Chinese take-out restaurant’s fried chicken.
  4. Subway – I like their $5 footlong of the month gimmick. I want to see Blake Griffin dunk a Subway footlong, while jumping over Jared’s SUV.
  5. Domino’s  – While, I’ve never been impressed with their pizza formula, I thought they always made decent chicken wings. Their new ads focus on their “chef.” I wonder if he will get fired if enough people vote “no.”
  6. Applebee’s – I putting them this high because they no longer have Chris Berman in their ads.
  7. IHOP – I thought about just doing a “Diners only” version of the rankings. I think I’d put Waffle House number 1 just on their billboards alone.
  8. Arby’s
  9. Papa John’s – some founders/creators have a TV presence. “Papa” John Schnatter is one of them.
  10. Dunkin’ Donuts – do they still make donuts anymore?
  11. Pizza Hut – They are keeping pace with their rival Domino’s and Papa John’s.
  12. Denny’s – They have a reputation that may never live down. But they’re trying. I applaud their efforts.
  13. TGIFriday’s
  14. Dave & Buster’s – They want to be a Chuck E Cheese for grown-ups. They are trying to target the arrested development demographic. However, to properly do that you may have to hire spokespeople that come across as really annoying and unlikable. It’s a two-edged sword.
  15. White Castle – When they realize that for them, less is more, their rankings go up. When they try to get complicated, they go down. For the past two months, they are at their equilibrium. They need to remember their biggest fanbase: the drunks and stoners.
  16. Red Lobster
  17. Taco Bell – Even though the lawsuit against them has been withdrawn, they took a big PR hit, and have not recovered. They need to get back in our collective good graces quickly.
  18. KFC – Popeye’s have dropped the gauntlet. I eagerly await their rebuttals.
  19. Cici’s – They are failing to create a decent illusion to disguised the sad truth that a pizza buffet is awful and disgusting.
  20. Red Robin – Here begins the part of the list which features annoying people in their ads. RR is the best of the worst.
  21. Dairy Queen – In their defense, maybe they have realized that their demographic is the lower-middle class group.
  22. Olive Garden – This is what I hear, “Fill up on our bread sticks and salad so you won’t realize we can’t even make pasta properly.” This is what I see, “We’re a stupid group of people who are too stupid to cook our own pasta, or make a half-decent salad.”
  23. Burger King – They are this high because I really, really can’t stand the others beneath them.
  24. Sonic – Geez, what a bunch of assholes! Now they have the world’s most annoying vampire in their ads.
  25. Buffalo Wild Wings – It’s one thing to have stupid or annoying characters in your ads. It’s quite another to imply that professional sports games are rigged.
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3 thoughts on “Fast Food marketing Power Rankings: May, 2011 edition

  1. Well, lets not forget the bottom of the barrel. Jack in the Box. Ever since their 1993 episode where some people were hurt, and some killed, JIB hasnt really recovered. Too bad they have to try to sell everything they possibly can to make a sell, from nasty, greasy taco’s to egg rolls.

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